I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
