i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
