I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
