Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
