We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
