Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
