Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
