Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The Olympian is in my bed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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