Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
