i wish starbucks made bloody marys
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm both gender and math confused
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