If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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