I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
