Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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