did you get engaged???
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
