Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i out mim tonsoeep
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