it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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