i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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