dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
