She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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