I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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