I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish i was in the wii world.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
