I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
