carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
