I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
