You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
two words...techno handjob
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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