a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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