If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
