So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do vagina's smell?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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