If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
