She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Houston, we have a blender
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
