Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
