just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
