I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
