You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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