Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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