im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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