You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
