Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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