I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
