why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
