You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
