Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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