The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
