I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
