Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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