so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
