I need help removing her.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I need to align my fucking chakras
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
