can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's just like the Real World with babies
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
