He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
