yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's shark week go big or go home
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
