you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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